I Dream of Parties
to bring you a special report on what it’s like publishing your first book during a pandemic
Over the years I fantasized about various celebrations surrounding Ray by Ray’s publication. There was a party held in Bungalow 2 at the Chateau Marmont where Nick lived on and off throughout the 1950s. It would be a catered affair with servers dressed in sleek black outfits carrying trays filled with finger sandwiches, petite pastries, cocktails (alcoholic and non-alcoholic) and black eye patches in honor of the black eye patch my father wore throughout the 1970s. I envisioned that by the end of the evening everyone would be wearing an eye patch and fervently announcing, “It’s time to have a revolution of frivolution!” Bernard Bertolucci had come up with the saying “a revolution of frivolution” after seeing Nick dancing at a New York Film Festival party.
Fantasies like this one were the golden carrots I dangled in front of myself to maintain the stamina I needed to see this book to its completion. As I’ve mentioned before it took a couple of decades to cross the finish line. And to tell you the truth by the last few years I wasn’t thinking of parties. I was thinking of a month-long stay at a spa, maybe a chin tuck, an eye lift, enough money to never live without a personal trainer for the rest of my life.
I wasn’t thinking of parties or day spas or personal trainers when I brought Ray by Ray to Three Rooms Press. What I wanted more than a glamorous Hollywood party was a publisher who got me. They get me. Together we got the story I wanted and needed to tell onto the page.
Once the ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) were ready we went to the Librarians Association Conference in Philadelphia, which just so happens to be my favorite American city second to New York.
There was a part of me that couldn’t believe I was actually going to be a published author until I sat at the Three Rooms Press table in the Philadelphia Convention Center and signed books for the librarians attending the conference.
Frank Mazzola who played Crunch in Rebel Without a Cause used to tell me that Nick had told him to” never quit knocking on doors until you get a yes.” I believe that that is how dreams come true. When I was younger I thought dreams came true because of magic; they just came from wishing hard enough. Poof! Right out of the air.
Touching Ray by Ray, holding Ray by Ray, signing copies of Ray by Ray made me want a celebration to end all celebrations. I couldn’t wait for the events surrounding its publication on April 28, 2020. There were going to be readings in New York City and Los Angeles, a screening of Johnny Guitar followed by a Q&A and book signing in Brooklyn and a screening of They Live by Night followed by a Q&A and book signing in Montreal. Family and friends were coming to New York to join in the celebrations. I was debating which East Village restaurant to host an after-party. I’d reactivated my gym membership and was tread-milling my way to physical perfection and I was planning my outfits for each occasion. I was going to be ready.
Then Covid-19 hit and the whole world got turned upside down. The climbing death toll in New York was sobering, to say the least. I live near Bellevue and NYU hospitals and the constant stream of ambulance sirens sent shivers up and down my spine. In those first days of the shelter in place my only thoughts were of how to keep myself and others safe. I, like everyone else, was adjusting to a new way of living. Of course the events surrounding Ray by Ray’s publication would be postponed or cancelled. Who even knows if the bookstores or theaters where I was to have readings and screenings will be in business once states and countries start to reopen.
A couple of weeks before Ray by Ray was supposed to hit the bookstores I started feeling sad. I’d spent years not having enough time to nurture existing friendships let alone build new ones. The demands of the book and having a full time job left little room for people. I spent five solid years interviewing people who had known and or worked with Nick from the 1930s up until his death in 1979 and another several years doing research at various film libraries in New York City and Los Angeles. Then came the writing.
I had to figure out how to piece all of the information together and write the story I had to tell.All I can say is it didn’t happen overnight. There were so many factors to piece together. So many stories to choose from. For years I ate, spoke, dreamed Nicholas Ray.Then came the question, Where did I exist in all of this?There have been so many twists and turns involved in getting this book done that in a strange way it is not surprising that Ray by Ray’s publishing date came right smack in the middle of the first global pandemic in over a century. Researching Nicholas Ray’s turbulent, magnificent life brought me on an unwieldy journey. I followed every clue, word, image no matter if I was left speechless for days on end.
“I am Nicholas Ray’s namesake, but it’s taken me a lifetime to embrace who I am. I am the standard bearer of my family’s history and carry the weight of their trespasses on my shoulders and the breadth of their artistry in my wings. I am the teller of their stories and the peacemaker of their turmoil. I am of them, not them, forever entwined with them. Allow me to introduce you to their stories and in sharing them I share myself.”
I saw the events surrounding Ray by Ray’s release as the end of the isolation that came with following this book through to the finish. I filled with glee whenever I closed my eyes and imagined reading my work to a group of people and introducing my father’s films to those who may not have ever seen one of his movies. I couldn’t wait to shake hands with newly made friends and to hug those I’ve known for years and who have supported this endeavor from its inception. I couldn’t wait to dress up and laugh and dance with the frivolity my father danced with at the New York Film Festival party where he and Bernardo Bertolucci met for the first time.
Celebrating comes in a different form now.
Sources:Bernardo Bertolucci quote is from the interview conducted by myself and Stacey Asip.Photo of Nick Ray, Mark Goldstein
